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19. They do not stick up for themselves.
A child with this problem is well along the way to social isolation. Recall the children who had problems with fighting. In many ways, they are getting along better than the child who just stands there and takes it. In the give-and-take, this child only takes. She may have learned to be non-aggressive for religious or moral reasons. If so, she will have a proud and self-controlled quality about her. More likely is a passive, “I have to take it,” attitude. It is a whipped-puppy kind of thing. She is either afraid to stick up for herself; or all the spunk has been taken (probably beaten) out of her. Either way, it is a problem.
How to help? It is very tough. Do two things. Try to get her to stick up for herself, especially in situations that have adult supervision. Next, if she does not stick up for herself at home, be slow to come to her aid. Home is a very good place to practice. Here is the hard part. As she begins to stick up for herself, she will likely use primitive methods. She may hit, yell, or try other things that are problems.
Say, “You hit your sister. I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You have the right idea. Hitting is not your best choice. Next time, try just yelling at her. I don’t know for sure if it will work better. It’s just something to think about.”