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2. They are hateful and in a bad mood.
Everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes. Even so, it is not okay to take it out on everyone around. Instead, it is a good time to get better at managing thoughts, feelings, and relationships.
Managing feelings and relationships takes skills children mostly learn by example. Your foster child likely had bad examples set for him. Also, he can bottle-up his anger about what happened to him. It then can easily come spilling out. It may not take much to set him off.
The point is this. Your foster child may have more than a little reason to be in a bad mood and hateful. He needs extra tolerance and patience. More than the usual amount of sensitivity and understanding from you are in order for him.
Here is something that usually helps. Leave his bad mood alone at first. Offer to talk with him about his bad feelings. But don’t make a big deal out of cheering him up. He will be happier when he is happier.
Deal only with his hatefulness. It usually comes off as cutting remarks, putting people down, and being angry. Help him manage these strong feelings better.
Don’t react to his hatefulness by being hateful and angry with him. Try to stay calm and do not take his hatefulness personally. It has little to do with you. It is coming from his past.
Talk with him about what is really going on. Say, “Here is the real problem. When you say and do things that are so hateful, it really hurts. You have been hurt a lot. I know that and so do you. Hurting me and other people is not your best choice, though. I am going to try very hard not to hurt you even if you feel you need to hurt me. Maybe one of these days, you will not need to take your hurt out on others. Until then, please think about it. Here is an idea. If you can tell me about what is bothering you, maybe we can figure out something to help.”
This is the point. The temptation is to get mad or to try to force him to behave better. This will not work. It will only make matters worse. You need to set a good example for him. Tell him his behavior is not okay with you. Teach him better ways to handle his angry feelings and let him know when you notice that he is doing better. Over time, his moods, attitudes, and behavior will change.