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22. Most people their age dislike them.
This is the same as the last sign, except it really is true: most people dislike him. It is even worse if he does not understand that they don’t like him.
Be honest with yourself and the child. Why is he so disliked? Along with this sign of relationship problems, which of the other twenty-one signs does he have? Your answer likely is “several.” This means you and he have a serious challenge as you work together on his specific problems.
Consider this example.
No one could tell how Randy was going to be from one minute to the next. Sometimes he was almost nice; but usually he was in a bad mood and hard to get along with. Anything could set him off.
Yesterday morning before school was a perfect example. Sue and Julio were coming in from the bus talking and minding their own business. For no reason, Randy yelled, “Hey stupid!” to Julio and then said something to Sue only she and Randy heard. Whatever it was, it embarrassed Sue and Julio said something back to Randy. That is all Randy needed.
It looks like Julio would have known to just keep his mouth shut. Everyone knows how Randy is. I don’t want to repeat what he said; but you could hear him screaming all over the building.
When Mr. Miller arrived, Sue was crying. Julio was on the floor holding his head. Randy was standing around acting like the whole thing was Julio’s fault.
Consider another example.
Judy’s foster mother and father were at the dinner table talking after Judy and their daughter had eaten and left the kitchen. “I’m worried about Judy,” her foster mother said as Mr. Butler poured her another cup of coffee. He sat, waiting for her to continue. “It is hard to put my finger on it. She just seems to have lost interest in her friends and the things she had seemed to enjoy. I guess I don’t know if she has any friends anymore. She talks on the phone sometimes but I don’t think she does much with anyone. She just stays in her room and does things she can do by herself. She seemed to be adjusting well. I don’t know what happened. I really am concerned.”
Mr. Butler thought about what his wife had said and then said, “I know what you mean. It may be even more of a problem than you are saying. I know Terry asked her to go to the mall and she said she was too busy. All she did was watch television. I don’t know if you have noticed it or not but the last few times someone has called her, she has made some excuse not to talk with them. Have you said anything to her about what you are feeling?”
Mrs. Butler did not know what to say. She finally said, “I’ve tried to talk to her. She says everything is fine and I am making too much of a deal out of it. She brushes it off and will not talk about what she is thinking and feeling. She just shuts me out. She acts like she does not have a care in the world. I don’t know. I am worried.”
Here’s another example.
Bill was determined not to let any of them see this time they were getting to him. “I am not going to cry. It’s for sure I’m not going to walk away like I always do. They are not going to get to me this time.”
The other boys could get down right cruel with their teasing. Maybe Bill did get his feelings hurt too easily. Who can tell? He just knew they were not going to get to him this time.
“Bill, Bill, big as a hill. Do you like to be so ugly? Look at him. Now he will probably start crying again. Cry for us, Bill.”
Bill wanted to stick up for himself but was afraid. Mostly, the other boys ignored him; but they kept it up when they got bored and had nothing else to do. “Please leave me alone,” he wanted to yell. Instead, he laughed and said, “Sure, being ugly is fun.” That was the turning point. He learned going along and keeping them happy at least got him some attention. If he did what they wanted and was who they wanted him to be, he could be part of the group. They would keep him around to taunt.
“It’s better this way,” he told himself. “They don’t like me anyway. Maybe if I just go along they will at least stop putting me down so much.”