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11. They usually give up quickly and easily.
A child with low self-esteem worries and frets about failing. She starts giving up quicker and easier. Finally, she just does not try. When your foster child is giving up quickly and easily, she is on her way to shutting down. But sometimes, giving up quickly is the last step and comes after not starting or trying.
Here is how it works. Your foster child’s self-esteem has been nearly destroyed. Fretting and worrying changed to giving up quickly and easily. Criticism and angry reactions from adults caused her to give up. At some point she just quit.
The child asked herself, “What can I do?” This was her answer. “Just go through the motions. Act like you are trying. Stop as soon as they get off your back.” The child is not trying to succeed. She is only trying to keep things from getting worse. She does not want to be put down and hurt.
Children whose self-esteem has been this permanently damaged need long-term help. Also, they need a home like yours. There you love them for who they are and not for how well they do. You accept your foster child on an as-is basis. You respond positively anytime she makes an effort of any kind to please.