Podcast: Play in new window | Download (18.6MB)
12. They do not feel good about their physical and sexual development.
You have seen how low self-esteem starts with worrying and fretting about failing. It grows into giving up quickly. This leads to shutting down and not trying. If adult reactions are too harsh, the child goes through the motions for fear of even harsher consequences. He simply plays the game. This is a very sad way for him to think and feel about success, achievement, and participation. But low self-esteem can get still worse for him.
He feels incompetent. It is no surprise also to learn he has a low physical/sexual self-image. Most children have some uncertainty about themselves physically and sexually. Children with self-esteem problems have these thoughts all the time and feel them strongly. They think they cannot succeed. They think they cannot achieve. They also think they are not made right or well enough.
Here is the point. This poor self-image has nothing to do with how the young person really looks or is developing. The child believes it no matter what the facts are or what you tell him.
Here is how you can help. Don’t try to convince him his thoughts and feelings are wrong. It will only strengthen his belief you do not understand. Say, “I feel badly you think about yourself in such bad ways. You are a normal person and are fine physically and sexually. I know you doubt that even though it is true. I want to hear what you think and feel about it; but I am not going to argue. You have a right to your feelings. Can you tell me how it feels to you?” Now use the skills you learned to help the child with stress. This leads to higher self-esteem.