Being nice is usually a good approach to most everyone. Even more important is being nice to you. Listen and see if you agree. I’ll bet you do.
Does sheltering in place put added pressure on your family? Are your family relationships subject to increased jeopardy? Is your family at heightened risk? The answers to all of these questions is, “It depends.” It depends on how well you personally handle the added stress and how conscientiously you attend to the pressures and stresses on your family relationships. The episode includes some tips and perspectives that you may find helpful.
We are all under a lot of pressure these days in addition to the virus itself. Those extra stresses may include economic as well as emotional. Just having to shelter in place and social distance when we do leave home are definitely not normal and only add to our sense of uncertainty and anxiousness.
We each know how the situation effects us and have some idea about how it is effecting others in our families. What we may not think about is how much pressure current circumstances are putting on our relationships, especially our relationships with our significant others. Even solid adult relationships can give in to the pressure if we aren’t very careful. For that reason, I am sharing an episode focusing on long-term relationships and those things we need to remember and give the special attention they deserve. It takes about an hour.
Even if you are still leaving home to go to work, your activities are probably quite restricted. There is a long list of things you can’t do and places you can’t go. That means that you are spending more time in close proximity to your family. And being closer to each other does not necessarily lead to more closeness. It’s perhaps even more likely that you are working from home or – worse yet – without a job. The result is that you spend most all of your time with your family.
Can you relate to this? My parents have been gone for several years; but when they were still alive, I loved them dearly but definitely would not have wanted to live with them. Had it been necessary, we would have worked it out; but living together is not something either they or I would have chosen. The same holds for my adult children and for their children, for that matter. My family is special to me; but living with them on a 24-hour basis sound like a prescription for trouble.
But this is a time of little to no choice. That’s why we are sharing some tips for getting along when there is not much opportunity to get apart.
Our tips start with some wisdom that has been around forever. It says that it’s not what we love about each other that helps us get along, but is what we are willing to put up with from each other. What we love about each other is why we want to get along to start with. What we are willing to put up with from each other is what keeps us from blowing up or walking out. But when we can’t get some distance from each other or time away, putting up with what we have been just putting up with can get very hard to handle. Putting up with it – whatever it is – on a 24-hour, 7 days a week basis can stress the limits of tolerance and sensitivity for the best of us. What we just put up with before is now way over the top, even for us. …
How many people do you know who are part-time when it comes to respect. They pick and choose who and when for what respect they can muster. I just hope that you are not a part-timer. Listen to hear how it works.
When things don’t work out as expected, when people disappoint us, who dropped the ball? The answer is more complicated than it may seem at first glance.
In these uncommon times, relating well to others on and off line is more important than ever. Stress is high and people aren’t always at their best. This makes it essential that we do our best to be our best when interacting with others. Expanding our range of tolerance is a good place for each of us to start.
How much better would your world be if other people just understood that you seldom intend to say or do whatever is annoying or frustrating them? Let’s think about how that might work.
People seldom intend to be jerks. I think we have all had to deal with someone who is just being a jerk. They are being difficult and impossible to cope with due to their seeming to be stupid, insensitive, hopelessly self-centered or clueless, or maybe all of the above. But are we ever the jerk in the picture? We sure don’t intend to be the jerk but we probably have our jerk moments, at least from the perspective of other people. As reasonable and as appropriate as we try to be, even nice people like us may slip into jerk mode at times.
People seldom intend to do less than their best. Do they always make an effort to do everything they can do as well as they can do it? No, people surely don’t do that. Rather, they usually make their best effort to do as much as they think is necessary and to do it as well as they think it needs done. The problem is that we may not agree that they have done enough or done it as well as we needed it done. Our issue is that we wanted more or better. From our perspective, the other person could have and should have done more or done better. It seems to us that we haven’t gotten his or her best effort. We have to deal with a shirker, with someone who is lazy or is sloppy and half does things. Of course we always give everything we do our best effort, always do things correctly and completely – or do we?
What would you never say to your five-year-old? It’s hard to say exactly what goes on your list but I suspect that things on your never say list all have a negative or critical tone or message tucked in there. I doubt that any of us would tell our five-year-old that he or she is stupid, ugly, lazy, in the way, too much bother, or anything else implying that the child is not valued or not okay. At least I hope none of us would relate to or respond to a child in ways like that.
Even so, there is definitely another side to that coin. Our five-year-old certainly needs feedback, and sometimes, that feed back needs to be negative or critical. Children need to learn how to do things and how to behave. They also need to learn how not to do things and how not to behave. They require guidance, coaching and the opportunity to take advantage of our experience, awareness and judgment. They also have to occasionally deal with a firm and unequivocal “No!” The issue isn’t whether they should receive our guidance and feedback – they should. Rather the issue is how and when that guidance and feedback should be forthcoming.
You may be thinking that I’m about to offer some advice about how you should or should not go about providing guidance and feedback to children. Not this time. Instead, I want to share with you my father’s first principle for offering guidance and feedback to me growing up. As much as I have read about and studied child development and parenting over the years, I have never come across any childhood scholar or parenting expert who even mentioned Dad’s first principle, little lone recommending it. Nonetheless, I think you may find it worth your consideration.
Welcome to Audio Tidbits. For more tidbits, check out GaryCrow.net. In this episode, the first piece focuses on how jerks excel at being jerks and, by implication, how we can avoid being seen as jerks – a good outcome for all Tidbiters. The second piece explores why some children grow up to be leaders while most don’t. It really does have a lot to do with us. Of course, there are a couple of tunes from Kevin, as usual. Click play and give it a listen.
Audio Tidbits is back with some fun, including three tunes from Kevin and a couple of tips for making a difference to people who make a difference to you. Please enjoy.
It’s time for a change. Welcome to the new and improved Audio Tidbits. In this episode, I have included three tunes from the library of Kevin MacLeod. Listeners have asked for more from Kevin and it’s here for you. Not to be disappointed. There are also two tips that will help you Make a positive difference with people who matter to you. This time, you hear about Bridge Burning and are reminded that there is never a good excuse for bad manners. I hope you enjoy the show. If you have any thoughts to share about the new format, please share them with me at Gary@GaryCrow.net. Enjoy!
When dealing with people at work or at home, do you find yourself at a loss as to what to do or how to proceed now and then? If not, good for you, but if you are merely human like the rest of us, here’s a bulletin for you. There are always things to say, things to do.
Here are ninety-three that you can pick from the next time you find yourself in a pinch. Just pick one, any one, and go for it. They all work in a pinch. If you have five minutes to explore the full set, it’s always okay to select the exact one that best fits what’s happening right now. If you are feeling rushed, just pick one and go for it. Either way, you will never again be at a loss as to what to say or do.
It’s time for a magic minute. Today’s tip shows us the key to those special relationships that we hope will last a very long time, if not forever. If you adopt the tip for yourself, good things will nearly always follow.
As children, many of us were told that we could be anything we wanted to be. Although the sentiment was likely expressed with the best of intentions, we learned over time that it was not altogether true. There were things we could not do, roles we could not assume, problems we could not solve and things we could not change, no matter how much we wanted to change them, no matter how hard we tried. Now and then, we confronted the rock that refuses to move.
Perhaps it was the same people who told us that we could be anything we wanted to be who now told us that we should just accept the things we cannot change. It can make us wish that they would make up their minds. Let’s spend a few minutes thinking about the rocks we cannot move but focus in on people we want to change, for their own good, of course. They sometimes definitely qualify as one of those rocks that refuses to move. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, they simply refuse to change. So what to do? That’s the question we explore in this episode of Audio Tidbits. Please join me.