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Aliens Amongst Us Audio Tidbit How To Matter

The Clock Is Still Ticking

The clock is still ticking and the time to prevent disaster is waning. There is still time to act; but the time keeps getting less and less. When will you do what must be done? Please listen and take the warning seriously.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter

Moving to Texas

Charlie and Carol are moving to Texas, or are they? It’s a big decision. Press play and listen in as they discuss their choices.

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How To Matter

Let Others Be

For John O’Brien, his hope was that we may care enough to love enough to share enough to let others become what they can be; but how do we do this at home, at work, and in the context of our other important relationships? Consider the following strategies. They may or may not work equally well for all of us; but they are definitely worth considering.

Cooperation: Emphasize a helpful, supportive approach to all of your relationships and activities with other people.

Bertrand Russell said, “The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.” You likely will want to set your sights a little less grandly than redeeming mankind; but you nonetheless get the idea. Cooperation is definitely the way to go and helping others is one of the best ways to get there. What’s more, Charles Dudley promises added benefits for you if you are helpful and supportive with other people, “It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” Now, that certainly sounds like the real deal, don’t you think?

Loyalty: Emphasize accommodating to the special needs and interests of people and facilitating the resolution of problems.

It’s easy here to see how that benefits other people which, of course, is the point. At the same time, though, you also benefit. Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “The most absolute authority is that which penetrates into a man’s innermost being and concerns itself no less with his will than with his actions.” Sure, if you accommodate to other people and help them work things out, you will feel better about who you are and what you do. It’s like Josiah Royce pointed out, “Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living.”

Caring: Emphasize concern for and interest in the activities, successes, and problems of other people.

Maxwell Maltz expressed it this way, “Take the trouble to stop and think of the other person’s feelings, his viewpoints, his desires and needs. Think more of what the other fellow wants, and how he must feel.” The message is simple. Take time to care; and remember Fred A. Allen’s words, “It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.”

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How To Matter

6 Tips for Teams

1. Be cooperative.

This means you work well with others and are there to help as appropriate, when needed.

2. Be loyal.

This means you hang in there with the ups and downs and are supportive of and with others when there is internal or external conflict or criticism.

3. Be caring and concerned.

This means that you stay involved and interested in the successes stresses and challenges of others.

4. Be engaged and sharing.

This means that you regularly talk and interact with others.

5. Be respectful.

This means you listen patiently and carefully whenever others are talking, telling you about something, or trying to express their ideas or feelings.

6. Be trusting.

This means you do not get into blaming, accusing, or threatening others.

Now you know so there you go.

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How To Matter

30 Tips for Better Personal Relationships

1. Be Accepting

This means you are okay with me as is, with no interest in trying to change me.

2. Be Affectionate

This means you find opportunities to be warm and close with me.

3. Be Ambitious

This means you are always on the outlook for chances to improve our lives.

4. Be Assertive

This means you speak up about what you want and need.

5. Be Attractive

This means you work to be someone I want to be with and do things with.

6. Be Considerate

This means you care about my feelings, interests and needs.

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How To Matter

Too Much You and Not Enough Me

There is a space between you and me where the balance is just about right, but if the balance gets out of balance, all is not well. That’s true whether you are my child, my partner, my employer, or just someone who wants and needs my attention. In this episode of Audio Tidbits, I give some thought and attention to this balance.

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How To Matter More Tidbits

Too Smart to be That Dumb

There are many reasons why some of us succeed while others of us are only getting by. One of the more hidden reasons is directly related to how successful people – yes, all of them — communicate. They always have smart conversations. While others are having simple conversations, the successful are doing smart, without anyone noticing. Do you communicate for success? I doubt that you ever do otherwise. I am assuming that you are too smart to be that dumb. Listen and hear how it works.

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How To Matter

Being Your Own Person

Do you know someone who is proud of being his or her own person? By that, they mean that the social rules and customs that apply to most of us just don’t apply to them. They think that conforming and predictability are for everyone else but not for them. They are their own person and others will just have to deal with it. Let’s think about how that might work out over time. Press play and join me.

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How To Matter

A Committed Relationship?

Do you see a committed relationship in your future or perhaps a renewed commitment to an ongoing relationship? If so, you may do well to listen and consider if you are actually ready to commit.

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How To Matter Leadership

Nothing Personal — It’s Just Business

Thanks for giving me a few minutes to share a couple of thoughts about leadership and taking care of business. I found an interesting book that has some ideas worth consideration.

In Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box, produced by the Arbinger Institute and published by Berrett-Koehler Publishers in 2002, I discovered what I think is an important truth for everyone but especially for leaders. It starts with a simple but rather strange proposition.

Self-deception determines my experience in every aspect of life.

There you go. Let me share it again. I don’t know for sure about you but I personally find the assertion very strange.

Self-deception determines my experience in every aspect of life.

Okay, I’ll move on. The arguement works like this.

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is an act of “self-betrayal.”

2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.

3. When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.

4. When I betray myself, I enter the box.

5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.

6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box with me.

7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

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How To Matter

The Friend Factory (revisited)

From time to time, it’s time to revisit The Friend Factory. This is the time, no matter whether you are eight or eighty. We all need reminded now and then.

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How To Matter

1 Key to Bliss

Do you have the key to perfect intimate relationships? The problem is that there are way more than a single key. But having 1 key is a good start. Try this one. It may unlock more than you might expect.

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How To Matter

Be Nice To Yourself

Your mental health matters. It starts with being nice to yourself. Listen and hear how it is done.

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How To Matter

The Color of Calm

How often do you find yourself close to others who are having an emotional meltdown? They may be uncomfortably anxious. They may be irrationally angry. They may be alarmingly depressed. More likely, they are just far enough into their meltdown to cause you discomfort and concern. What to do? Please listen and consider a tip that will help you get past the episode and will certainly help the meltdowner.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Leadership More Tidbits

Negotiation: Everything You Ever Need to Know

In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, you learn everything you need to know about negotiation at home, at work, or wherever you are when the time comes to make a deal. The skills you will develop will facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager. Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and positive though.

At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and experience, you will gradually get to a point where effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At first though, it is important to develop a negotiating plan and to seek out opportunities to practice. It is a little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well however, is a very satisfying thing indeed.