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How To Matter

No Shortage of Advice (revisited)

The podcast team reminds us that they have no shortage of advice and no reluctance to share it with us. The bonus is Kevin’s delight at the end. It’s worth a listen all by itself.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter

When People Disappoint Us

What’s the deal when people disappoint us? Is it finger pointing and blaming time? Maybe so, but then again, maybe not. Either way, it’s best to stop and think about just where that finger is pointing.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter

Respect Isn’t Optional

It’s not altogether true that respect isn’t optional, at least for some people. For you though, respecting some folks and not others, being respectful only now and then are never options. Why? Please listen and see if you agree.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Parenting

Just One Big Unhappy Family (Part 5)

So far, you have developed a wide range of understanding and skills to assess families at risk. You have studied the behavior and attitudes of family members and have thought about stress, depression, value problems, and other personal issues. Your learning has included identifying specific signs of risk and seeing how they are experienced by family members. You now have a good feel for people, families, and their problems.

You also have learned about assessing how people get along. You are able to focus on relationships, communication, problem solving, and decision making. Additionally, you now know how to use some tools and shortcuts to determine the risk level for your family.

It is now time to bring your understanding and skills together. In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I bring you an extended narrative of a family at risk. As you will see, the people in the narrative behave and reflect attitudes that are sometimes helpful and sometimes very risky. Your challenge is to identify the elements of risk, understand how bad outcomes follow from actions and events, and assess the risk for the family.

The narrative is divided into seven sections reflecting critical periods in the life of the family. The underlying events are true. This is the way it really happened. Many of the details and descriptions have been changed to protect the family’s anonymity.

Were this a fictional family, all the motivations, events, and details would have been carefully crafted to answer all of your questions and to eliminate all gaps and inconsistencies. Real life is not so neat. You will need to use your developing insight and skills to fill in the gaps, understand the inconsistencies, and to somehow make sense of life in the real world.

Be safe, be well, and may you and yours enjoy being one big happy family.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Parenting

Just One Big Unhappy Family (Part 4)

This episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast brings you Part 4 of Just One Big Unhappy Family. If you combine this episode with the first three, you will have all of the tools you need to assess your family’s level of risk and will better understand the why and what of family risk. In this episode, I focus specifically on Getting Along Risk. I think you will see how this type of risk fits with Individual, Marital and Parent risk to establish the level of jeopardy the family is experiencing. Thank you for the time you are spending to better understand your family’s functioning. I sincerely hope it helps you and yours.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Parenting

Just One Big Unhappy Family (Part 3)

In Part 3 of Just One Big Unhappy Family, the discussion shifts to how to recognize when things are happening in your family that foretell problems and increased risk. You learn to assess individual, marriage and parenting risk and see how those risks evolve and escolate. Your ability to understand risk and malfunction continue their development from Parts 1 and 2. Please listen and thoughtfully consider how you and your family are relating and loving together.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Parenting

Just One Big Unhappy Family (Part 2)

Warning: This episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast contains significant violence and strong language so is not suitable for children or for teens or adults who are sensitive to family violence or strong language.

Our discussion of family malfunction moves to a new dimension extended from the last episode: Just One Big Unhappy Family. The vignettes in this episode follow one family over thirty years or so and track the evolution of its malfunction. You see that problems unattended become a dysfunctional life style that leads to places few would choose to go. The illustrations are based on real people and on a real family. The best that can be said is that everyone survived. I hope you find the half hour or so it takes to listen is a good investment of your time and compassionate emotions.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter Parenting

Just One Big Unhappy Family

If what you see is one big happy family, there may be many reasons and explanations, not that any of these are necessary. Happy is normally its own accounting. If what you see is one big unhappy family, there are only a few likely reasons, and explanations totally depend on who you ask. Emotional distress, psychological and interpersonal malfunction and unhealthy family environments typically have their base in only a limited number of problems and issues. Being able to spot these problems and issues is the key to helping your family avoid even more devastating unhappiness. In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I share with you a series of vignettes that illustrate the range of mental health and interpersonal issues unhappy families commonly experience. I am simply assuming that you know enough to find qualified help if any of these signs of serious difficulty show up in your family.

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Audio Tidbit How To Matter

Stay Tuned For The Fairies

Sure, Marc has a few tips for you to make a difference to people who make a difference to you, tips to relate to others with style, all the time, on purpose. As usual, he is spot on. For me, though, I think you will find the best part of his podcast today if you stay tuned for the fairies.

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How To Matter

Love Power and Relationships

We likely think we value equality in some relationships and not in others. When it comes to love and power, though, the likelihood of equality is quite slim. This holds between the people in the relationship and between love and power themselves. Love, power and relationships are dynamic variables and not constants and mix and blend, depending…. Please join me as I explore that mixing and blending between parents and children, men and women, employers and employees, and whenever two or more people live and relate together.

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How To Matter

Boundary Crashers

Do you know about boundary crashers? I’m pretty sure you know about them, even if you hadn’t thought about it like that before. They range from the annoying to those who should be put in a cage, just to keep them away from the rest of us.

Are you a boundary crasher? I suspect most of us are from time to time. We know better but don’t always do better. Fortunately, our boundary crashing is mostly trivial; but for some people some of the time, their boundary crashing is very far from trivial. In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I consider boundary crashers and boundary crashing. Please press play and consider the discussion.

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How To Matter

Why Argue?

There are times to argue, if the arguement is of one kind, but if it is of the other kind, arguing has little to no point and may make worse the exact thing you want to improve. Please listen and see if you agree. If you happen not to agree, let’s not argue about it.

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How To Matter

Assertiveness Is Fundamental

What comes to mind when you hear that someone is assertive? The typical ideas quickly move to descriptions of behavior: what the assertive person says and does. More specifically, they focus on how he or she acts. But is this assertiveness?

On the surface, it is definitely assertiveness of sorts; but this type of behavior can easily transition into aggressiveness, unpleasantness and abrasiveness. When assertiveness is fundamental, this never happens. For the fundamentally assertive, it’s not about what they say, what they do or how they act. It’s all about who they are and how they are. It’s a matter of style. Please press play and hear for yourself.

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How To Matter

Too Much Of A Good Thing

We know that being helpful, doing our share, accommodating to the needs and interests of others and generally being a good sport is a good thing, but there can sometimes be too much of a good thing. There the people who we all know who way underdo the notion of pitching in and helping but there are also those who way overdo it. Where are you on that range of being the proverbial Johny on the spot? Listen in to think about it with me.

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How To Matter

When Excuses Stop Excusing

A simple fact of life is that one excuse is generally as good as another. Either you get a pass this time or you don’t. The good news is that people will generally give you a break and give you that pass this time. The bad news is that you can’t count on being excused, getting that pass. There is a point where excuses stop excusing. The real problem is that you can’t tell ahead of time if this is the day when your excuses stop working. If you want to know more about this little querk of life, please press play and listen in.