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Our 2020 New Year’s Resolutions (B)

I resolve to be even more accepting of and tolerant with people with differing personalities, traits and characteristics, personal styles, individual values and beliefs, and for their idiosyncrasies. I will also work at better managing fluctuations in people’s moods, points of view, and interests.

I resolve that especially with friends, co-workers and family, I will always assume that they will succeed, assume that they will do things correctly, assume that they will give everything they do their best effort. I’m surprised when other people make mistakes, give things less than their best effort, don’t succeed. Since I expect success, I’ll take on some degree of personal responsibility for mistakes of others, lackluster effort, non-success. My first take on the situation is that I haven’t been smart enough or skilled enough to effectuate the right outcome. For that reason, I’ll work with the person to identify the deficiencies. When possible, I’ll modify my performance so that I can facilitate the other person’s success.

I resolve to try harder to accept people as is. My goal isn’t to change anyone. Rather, I’ll make the effort to focus on encouraging and facilitating in ways that enable each person to achieve optimal performance within the context of their skills, abilities, and interests. Concurrently, I expect people to expand and improve their capacities and am ready to help with that process however I can. I don’t expect People to change but expect them to grow and develop.

I resolve to do a better job with remembering to praise my children, friends and family when they do well. I’ll take care not to praise too little but also will try to avoid making it seem like little more than a polite habit. I won’t be stingy with praise nor be excessive with it. I’ll be quick to recognize and acknowledge the successes and accomplishments of others but won’t confuse praise with simple good manners. Please and thank you and noting that someone did a good job or was helpful are not examples of praise. They are rather, merely examples of good manners and are just part of my habitual deportment. Alternatively, praise is an intentional and thoughtful action which privately or publicly acknowledges and commends excellence. I reserve praise for exceptional or extraordinary performance, never missing an opportunity to praise when anyone meets that standard.

I resolve to resist the temptation to either focus on what is not going well or on what is. It may be a function of human nature to attend mostly to the negative or to the positive, depending on one’s personality; but I’ll keep in mind that this is not a simple matter of choice or personal preference. The key to my success is seeing that neither focusing on the positive nor on the negative is advisable. Here’s the perspective I’ll always try to keep in mind. The reality is that things are continuously transitioning from a past state to a future state. My primary responsibility is to affect the transition so as to actualize the desired future state. To do this, the task is to reduce and eliminate the disparity between the present and future states, without redefining or compromising the desired future state. My focus then needs to be on the cluster of elements that affect the future state either as contributors or as detractors, understanding that neither is more or less important than the other. Focus must be on the gestalt. In short, I’ll be keeping my eye on the big picture, on the way on down the road.

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Relating Long Term (16) – Audio TidBits Podcast

Thanks for joining us for this special episode of the How To Matter podcast. James has developed a series about how to matter with people with whom you have a long term relationship. You are about to hear one of the episodes from the series. If you subscribed to the podcast from (Check out the How To Matter category.) or from your favorite podcast player, all of the previous episodes in the series are there for you. Please enjoy this episode now.

Bonus: Management Excellence – Audio TidBits Podcast

All management is based on guiding principles; and the effectiveness of management derives from those principles. This is true whether the principles are appropriate or inappropriate, reasonable or unreasonable, consistent or inconsistent. Similarly, the derivative nature of management holds whether the guiding principles are vague or well-defined, followed faithfully or haphazardly, applied day-to-day by managers who are highly skilled or fundamentally incompetent. Effective management, then, is a product of:   Guiding principles that are appropriate, reasonable, and consistent;   Managers who clearly understand the guiding principles, faithfully adhere to them, and who are fundamentally competent.   It follows from this that the effectiveness of an organization's management is a product of the Principle/People equation:   Principles + People = Outcomes. …

News Strategies, North Korea & The Environment – Audio TidBits Podcast

Hey folks, I think I may have a first for you. I think I have intercepted a simple conversation among the Aliens amongst us. I don’t think they are reporting back to their home planet. They are just talking with each other. The Aliens are discussing news strategies, North Korea and the environment. Let’s listen in.

Fake Delegation

Do you know the difference between real and fake delegation? Have you ever been told that a job or other responsibility was being delegated to you only to learn that the person doing the delegating was looking over your shoulder, second guessing you and criticizing what you were doing and how you were doing it? Even worse, have you ever been the delegator who was doing the looking over the shoulder and second guessing? In either case, you know all there is to know about fake delegation. In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I discuss fake delegation, real delegation, and what it takes to be real. It’s not nearly as easy as it might seem. Please listen and see what your conclusion is.

Foster Children And Suicide

Sometimes children get so confused about what is going on in their lives and so down on themselves that they can hardly stand it. They may feel like running away or just giving up on themselves. These are awful feelings. They feel afraid, angry, and very upset. They have more stress than they can handle and their self-esteem is very low. They cannot get their thoughts straightened out or figure out their problems. There seems no end to their bad feelings. They believe they have come to the end of the road and don't fit or belong anywhere. Killing themselves seems like their only choice. Looking at these signs that a child may be suicidal will be useful. As you consider the signs, give some thought to how vulnerable foster children are. 32. They have lost an important relationship and can hardly live without it. The first idea to think about is "perception." This is how things seem from the child's point of view. Feeling she cannot live without a relationship is her perception of how she would be without the relationship. Seeing the relationship as important also is her perception. When you see this sign in your foster child, she perceives the relationship she lost was important, thinks it is gone, and believes she cannot live without it. It does not matter how others see or think about her and the relationship. Her perceptions are how it is for her. Perception is her reality and the only reason for her actions. When working with her, start where she is, start with her perceptions. It is easy to just say that what she thinks and feels is not true. Some people start by deciding that the relationship was not really so important. Others start by deciding that she has not…

Aliens, Sexual Harassment, Taxes & The Alien Leader In The Capital City – Aliens Amongst Us

Hey folks, the Aliens Amongst Us seem to find things here on Earth confusing for them. They are having trouble understanding all the news about sexual harassment, taxes and the activities of their leader in the capital city. It’s a new approach for them to request advice and guidance from their home planet. They want to tap into the Brain Bank back on their home planet. It’s sort of like Googling for truth. Please listen and come to your own conclusions.

Muses and Brain Power

If you are a writer or just like to write, you know about muses and how elusive they can be. The podcasting team has some notions here that you may find helpful. That is followed by some thoughts from James about brain power and how we can give it a boost. Press play and check it out.

Getting It Right Can Be Hard

I could make excuses or maybe even point a finger, but That would all be wrong. Let me just report how the podcasting team helped get it right. Here's their revised intro. Hello Tidbiters. If you are a regular listener, I know that you were expecting Gary to get things started. If this is your first visit, I usually don’t kick things off. I’m here to get things straightened out for Gary. He is fairly new at this lead podcaster role and didn’t get it quite right this time. He has included three of Kevin’s songs and two tips that you will find very helpful as you make a difference to folks who make a difference to you. That all went well, but the intro and a couple of the transitions didn’t go so well for Gary. No worry though. Others on the podcasting team have jumped in to get it right for you. Please relax and enjoy. I think you will see what we have done for you. As Gary likes to say, do well, be well and here we go.

Be Attentive & Self-disciplined – Audio TidBits Podcast

What's with that? Do I think you are out of control or something? You are consistent and predictable and are certainly attractive and fun to be around. You give your relationship your best shot as well. Now what am I talking about with this being attentive and self-disciplined stuff? I assume you are responsible, considerate, reliable, thoughtful, and all of those kinds of things. There is a potential glitch though. In quality, serious relationships, your comfort zone increases, you are very familiar with your significant other, and there is little need to consciously attend to the relationship. It is not something you think about much and there is minimal need to "stay sharp." You assuredly are in a safe place. Nonetheless, you need to beware of what I call "attention drift." Here is the problem. In a serious relationship, you and your significant other gradually adjust and accommodate to each other. You are each attractive to the other and pay little to no attention to quirks, habits, and behavior that is slightly annoying or irritating. You get used to each other. All would be fine were it not that you both change over time. Each of you behaves a little differently here and has a slightly shifted attitude there. For a while, you just accommodate with no conscious awareness of doing so. At some point, you become aware but do not make an issue of it. More time passes and annoyance and irritation appear with no specific focus. This grows and begins to take on more importance than your attraction to each other. You have drifted apart. What happened? One or both of you were not attentive enough to your changing behavior and attitudes. You experienced attention drift. The result is that your relationship is in jeopardy. What is my…

Thinking of Christmas

Sometimes it's nice just to sit back, relax and spend a few minutes thinking of Christmas. Please press play and join me.

Dog Smart – Audio TidBits Podcast

I am sure you are pretty smart, especially since you have decided to go Skidooing with me. Here is the question? Are you as smart as Gary's guide dog? Take a few minutes to listen and you will find the answer to this world changing question.

If You Only Learn One Leadership Lesson, This Is A Very Good Choice

alciccioli, Greg. The Enemies of Excellence: 7 Reasons Why We Sabotage Success. Crossroad: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2011. Few people consider how to sustain their success because they're too busy trying to achieve it. Most leaders want to be the best people they can be and to lead with excellence. They want to thrive, and they want the people around them to thrive. They have the best of intentions. Success is inherently unstable. The skills it took to establish success cannot sustain it. A high-profile leader is surrounded by people who are hungry for the leader's success. They want him to succeed, and if the price for that is to overlook a few red flags here and there, so be it. The greater the success, the greater the danger. To deal the fatal blow to egotism, you must identify what you desire as the outcome of your life and leadership. You need to ask yourself: Are you striving to reach just another self-centered summit, or are you leading people and the organization you serve towards something higher? ...influence, more than intelligence, is the sign of the greatest leaders. Have you noticed that work is always present and, like fire, is never satisfied? The best way to build character is to define it, practice it, and defend it. Once you define your character so that you clearly understand it, you can practice it in everyday life and leadership. This increases your character competency and prepares you to defend it when you face the Enemy of Indulgence. We need to invite the right people into our lives and grant them permission to review who we are and how we live. When we choose our own accountability partners, we gain people we can trust, and that trust leads to greater vulnerability. To be…

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Scaredy Cat

This scaredy cat is not in a nursery rhyme but most of us can identify. Press play and come along for the trip.

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Test Your Parenting

Diane Loomans once reminisced, “If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.”

Being a parent is both satisfying and challenging. Knowing exactly how to handle any situation can be very difficult. Sloan Wilson captured the central issue this way, “The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.”

Although being a parent is very complex and will have many twists and turns over the years, knowing how you and your child are doing through the process is less daunting. If the following statements are most always tru for you as a parent, both you and your child are most likely making the journey rather successfully. Before we get to the statements though, there is a point that needs emphasis. Joyce Maynard made the point for us this way when she said, “It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.”

Okay, here we go. Think about each statement and honestly decide if it is true for you. If it is, you and your child are probably doing just fine. If not, you definitely have some work to do and possibly changes to make with your parent relationship with your child.

1. I am reasonable and fair when disciplining my child.

2. I know what my child needs and what is important to him or her.

3. I am able to get my child to cooperate with me.

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Testing Your Mental Health

1. What do you think it means to have good mental health?

2. What do you do to help your mental health?

3. What do you like about yourself?

4. What helps you feel happy, excited, satisfied? What kinds of people, situations, things help you feel good, help you be emotionally positive?

5. When do you feel unhappy? What kinds of people, situations, or things get you to feeling afraid, angry, sad, confused, or feeling emotionally negative?

6. Sometimes our negative emotions get out of balance and sort of take over. When this happens, we sometimes have problems with our behavior and adjustment. When your emotions get a little out of balance and the negative emotions take over, what kinds of problems does it cause you with your behavior, your adjustment?

7. Our feelings are okay. This includes feeling afraid, angry, or sad. How we deal with our feelings makes a difference, though. How do you deal with it when you feel angry, when you feel afraid, when you feel sad?

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Everything There Is To Know About Success

Do you want to know everything there is to know about success in about five minutes? If so, please press play and learn. If not, well, you’re on your own.

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Too Smart to be That Dumb

There are many reasons why some of us succeed while others of us are only getting by. One of the more hidden reasons is directly related to how successful people – yes, all of them — communicate. They always have smart conversations. While others are having simple conversations, the successful are doing smart, without anyone noticing. Do you communicate for success? I doubt that you ever do otherwise. I am assuming that you are too smart to be that dumb. Listen and hear how it works.

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Negotiation: Everything You Ever Need to Know

In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, you learn everything you need to know about negotiation at home, at work, or wherever you are when the time comes to make a deal. The skills you will develop will facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager. Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and positive though.

At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and experience, you will gradually get to a point where effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At first though, it is important to develop a negotiating plan and to seek out opportunities to practice. It is a little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well however, is a very satisfying thing indeed.

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My Special Moment

I’m still finding the Prompts app on my iPhone pretty interesting. Whether I decide to play every time or not, it does get me thinking about things I would otherwise not consider.

The idea is that the app provides a phraise to serve as a thought starter. The point is to finish the sentence that starts with the prompt phraise. I suspect that the authors hope that we will write more than a sentence, but you get the idea.

I talked about one of the recent prompts on yesterday where I share my Personal Point Of View. I found the prompt interesting enough to explore it further here on the Audio Tidbits Podcast. I invite you to join me on the mental journey. …

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The Witch In The Box

In what I think was probably the most recent episode of Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything podcast, Mr. Walker featured an artificial intelligence (AI) expert from Google. The Google guy was discussing what sounds like an AI game for geeks. In this scenario, the geeks are themselves artificial intelligence entities. Think of them as computer one and computer two.

Computer one’s gig is to create realistic scenes indistinguishable from reality. Think of them as mind pictures. Also keep in mind that these scenes are completely computer generated. They are fully a product of artificial intelligence, ones and zeros supported by algorithms. Once the button is pushed, there is no additional human intervention.

For computer two, the gig is reality detection. Along with IA scenes from computer one, computer two is shown scenes captured from actual reality. The challenge for computer two is to tell which scenes are artificial and which are actual, which are fake and which are real. Think of computer two as a lie detector of sorts. …

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Pro Tips For Success

Success requires Focus, Focus, Focus. Your full undivided attention is on your success agenda. You do not permit distraction or competing priorities. You continuously say Yes to your success.

Success requires Timing, Timing, Timing. You are where you need to be, when you need to be there, doing what you need to do. You are always prepared, always good to go.

Success requires Attitude, Attitude, Attitude. It is not a whatever you happen to feel about it today attitude. It is the success attitude. You believe in your success, your capacity to succeed. What’s more, you have no doubt about what you do to succeed. You do whatever it takes. …

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The Familiar First

This episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast is a remix of an earlier episode that suggests an approach to people and situations that reduces any tendency we may have to reflexively react negatively to others and new situations. It helps protect us from us.

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Three From Charlie Checker: Detective

Are you a Charlie Checker fan? If not, this is your chance to get abord with Charlie and his latest cases. Charlie thinks of himself as a detective but is at least as much into being a teacher and friend. Press play and get the story for yourself. I think you will enjoy it.

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The Success Train

Have you ever taken a trip on the success train? If not, you are in for a real treat. If you have made the journey with Tom and his friends before, you will discover that a second trip on the success train is even better than your first. Press play, climb aboard and enjoy the ride.

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