Podcast: Play in new window | Download (7.6MB)
Recent studies indicate that up to half of all work time may be wasted or compromised due to mistrust. In large part, this mistrust is prompted or worsened by competition. Remember, whatever our conscious good intentions, our ancient brain instincts have been programmed to assume the worst. “It’s a war out there,” the subconscious asserts. “Defend yourself. Smile, play along, cover your back, withhold information, put a good face on things but gossip about others.”
Even in groups with an overarching shared mission or purpose, it is unusual when more than one or two of the five values are shared by the group or team as a whole. Nonetheless it is our individual values that bring each of us to life inside as a unique person; they cannot be implanted from outside.
Trust is an emotional strength that begins with a feeling of self-worth and purpose that we’re called to extend outward to others. The warm, solid gut feeling you get from trust–from counting on yourself and trusting and being trusted by others–is one of the great enablers of life.
We trust others when two crucial qualities are present in the relationship. First, we must feel that they understand us: that they know who we really are and what really matters to us. Second, we must feel that they care about us, and that they will weigh our true needs, interests, and concerns when they make decisions.
Of course, you have to be blasé about some things. Otherwise, you might die of overexcitement. Yet your individual passion about a direction or a dream can see you far.
This is the Brother’s Keeper Principle, which dictates that once I have come to know you well, I must say and do what I believe is in your best interest and in line with your commitments, regardless of how that makes you feel about me. In other words, in many situations life is more about trying to make a constructive difference than trying to be liked.
Above all, and beneath all, accountability is generated from within your heart; it cannot be “given” from outside. It is conscience–and more. It prompts you to forgo excuse-making and instead to sense emerging problems and opportunities early on and accept a role in responding to them in new ways with commitment and ingenuity.
What do your loved ones miss the most about you in recent years? What part of you isn’t coming home at the end of the day? It’s likely to be something small but significant, such as the sense of humor or playfulness you used to have before you got so busy.