Give In or Dig In

You’ve probably heard the advice that tells us that we have to go along to get along. Much of the time, if it’s not altogether true, it’s at least convenient. Christopher Morley puts it like this, “Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you’re not really interested in order to get where you’re going.”

We have our individual goals and agenda, but much of the time, prioritizing our personal interests requires too much effort or may actually be counterproductive. Michael Korda is on point when he advises, “The fastest way to succeed is to look as if you’re playing by other people’s rules, while quietly playing by your own.”

The truth here notwithstanding, there is a very real danger. On the one hand, we run the risk of becoming so accustomed to fitting in that we passively subordinate our goals and agenda to the will and wishes of others; or on the other hand, we are so intent on guarding our individuality that we become inappropriately rigid and inflexible. Finding the middle ground is difficult and staying on that middle ground is even more challenging.

Bill Veeck tells us what is needed, “I try not to break the rules, but merely to test their elasticity.” Nonetheless, for most of us, the trip from knowing to doing is frequently less than smooth. At this point, I think most of us either give up and go along or dig in and side with Bill Watterson’s choice, “From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way.” As tempting as either alternative may be, experience tells me that the middle ground is still the place to be.

How do you think this works as a helpful way of understanding the middle ground between giving in and digging in? “I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.” Fritz Perls’ perspective on the middle ground is one that I personally find helpful. I’m comfortable going along so long as I experience other people’s expectations as compatible with or at least not incompatible with mine. However, if I experience those expectations as incompatible, passively going along is no longer an option for me.

Saying this is easy but deciding to dig in and then doing it is not always easy and can be downright risky at times. Dr. SunWolf knows the truth of it, “Sooner or later, you will need the courage to be disliked,” or perhaps the courage to accept even more harsh consequences. There is a cost to giving in and going along, but perhaps an even higher cost to digging in. The dilemma is in understanding the cost and benefits of both choices and then living with your choice.