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Feels unlovable:

This is the bottom of the self-esteem ladder. Your child has totally devalued himself and sees himself as a zero. He has given up.

Think about how your child’s loss of self-esteem progressed. It went from worrying and fretting to giving up too easily, from not trying to self-hatred. Your child now is at the end of the line. From his point of view, he has no value, is not someone anyone loves. Why? Because he is simply not lovable. People may say they care and may even pretend to love him; but it is not possible for anyone to love him. He is not someone anyone should love. When your child’s self-esteem has been this permanently destroyed, your child has a lifelong disability. It is something from which he can never fully recover.

Be sure to take full advantage of any opportunity you may have to actively value him, support him, and increase his sense of belonging and attachment to you and to other positive people who care.

*     Each gentle touch makes life slightly less bad for him.

*     Each quiet moment gives him a small taste of belonging.

*     Each time you listen says he matters a little.

*     Each time you are sensitive and patient, he is a little less handicapped.

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