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Lovers Within Marriage

This activity is similar to the last two activities except the current activity focuses on you as a lover within your marriage.  Using a scale from five to one with five equals almost always, four equals usually, three equals sometimes, two equals seldom, and one equals almost never, rate yourself on the statements below.  Once you have finished, add your ratings together and divide by the total number of statements.  The result will be a lover score from 1.0 to 5.0.  Effective lovers within the marriage relationship maintain a lover’s score of 4.0 or higher.  If difficulties should develop in your marriage relationship, it will be useful to come back to this activity, rate yourself on the statements, and try to maintain a lover’s score above 4.0 for a few months.  Frequently, this part itself will result in significant improvement in the overall marriage relationship, including improvement in the friendship and partnership dimensions of the marriage.

1. I am sexually attractive.

2. I make sure that there are enough sexual opportunities.

3. I anticipate sex with my spouse with pleasure.

4. I talk with my spouse about my sexual wants and needs.

5. I am careful not to place too much or too little emphasis on sex.

6. I respond to my spouse’s sexual wants and needs.

7. Sex with my spouse is easy and comfortable.

8. I am easily sexually aroused.

9. I am sexually skilled.

10. I function well sexually.

11. I have good sexual timing.

12. I accept my spouse’s sexual values and beliefs.

13. I do not make sexual demands on my spouse.

14. I place more value on good feelings and a positive relationship than on specific sexual activities or techniques.

15. I pursue sex with my partner only at appropriate times and in appropriate places.

16. I remain sexually faithful to my spouse.

17. I have let go of past sexual and/or romantic involvements and relationships.

18. I do not accuse my spouse of inappropriate sexual or romantic activities or interest.

19. I do not bring up past sexual or romantic involvements or relationships of mine or my spouse’s.

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