Marriage Assessment

This activity is designed to help you assess your marriage relationship.  For each of the statements below, rate yourself using a scale from five to one.  Five equals almost always, four equals usually, three equals sometimes, two equals seldom, and one equals almost never.  Once you have finished rating yourself in terms of all of the items, add your ratings together and divide the total by fifteen.  The result will be a marriage score.  Generally, marriage scores of 4.0 or higher are found in happy, successful marriages.  Importantly, though, you will want to give attention to any item where you have given yourself a rating of three or less and especially to those items where you have given yourself a rating of two or less.  In these cases, the first step is to talk about the marriage area with your partner.  The next step is to talk with your marriage consultant about the specific problem area.  He/she will have advice and suggestions specifically related to this marital area.  Following the suggestions will lead to your being more effective with that specific area.

Anytime you are experiencing difficulties within your marriage, keep in mind that the only thing you can do is to be the most skilled, the most effective friend-partner-lover you are capable of being.  Go back to this activity, rate yourself and be sure to maintain your personal marriage score at a 4.0 level or above for two or three months, being very careful that no area continues at a level under 3.0.  Also be sure that you are giving equal attention and emphasis to all three core dimensions: to being a friend, to being a partner, and to being a lover.  Neglecting one of these core dimensions or putting off working on it is equivalent to deciding to let your marriage fail.

1. I am clear about what is most important to me in my marriage.

2. I have good personal habits.

3. I am fun to be around.

4. I am willing to take the first step to improve things in my marriage.

5. I keep hassles and arguments short, to the point and under control.

6. I do not try to change my partner.

7. I am open and up front with my partner about what I think and feel.

8. I am clear about what my partner sees as most important in our marriage.

9. I manage involvement and relationships with relatives (or ex-relatives) in ways that make sure they do not interfere with my marriage.

10. I am a good money manager.

11. I do my share to keep our bills from getting out of control.

12. I am sexually skilled.

13. I enjoy sex with my partner.

14. My partner enjoys sex with me.

15. If I were my partner, I would like being married to me.