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8. They lose their tempers easily and quickly.
This may be the hardest sign of stress for you to handle. It also is the easiest to misunderstand. If you are like most adults, you react by getting angry yourself. This reaction is followed by trying to stop the child’s behavior. With other signs of stress, it is easier to see the child’s unhappy feelings and frustration. Also, it is not so hard to respond to the feelings instead of reacting to the behavior. With temper and anger, you can find yourself reacting to the child’s angry behavior and not responding to her feelings at all.
The best response is hard. Her temper outburst will run its course. If she is not hitting someone or breaking things, the outburst does not hurt anything. Don’t get into an argument with her. Don’t yell or make threats.
Calmly say, “I can see you are angry. You have a right to feel how you feel. I am going to wait here with you until you get it out however much you need to blow.” Now stop talking. Wait until the child starts quieting down and calming down.
When it gets a little quieter, say, “Being angry is okay sometimes. Losing your temper does not work very well for any of us. You are trying very hard to tell me something important. Please try again. When your temper is not getting in the way, I can hear and understand better. What has you so angry?”
Whatever it is, do not react, blame the child, give advice, or defend yourself or anyone else. You might say, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I will think about it and we can talk about it a little later.” Just be sure to think about it and do go back to the child later and offer to talk about her frustrations and concerns.