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2. They have trouble concentrating and paying attention.
This sign of stress is a lot like restlessness and trouble calming down; but it is more of a problem for the youngster. Some children (about 1 in 30) have a condition called Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder or ADHD. These young people have abnormal problems concentrating and paying attention. Although this probably is not your foster child’s problem, make it your first idea. Why? If the child has ADHD, he can do nothing about it by himself. Only a physician or psychologist can diagnose it for sure. It then needs managed medically, behaviorally, and through special teaching and learning techniques. The child cannot handle ADHD without help.
At home and school, problems concentrating and paying attention often are read wrong by adults. They read them as daydreaming and not paying attention. A parent or teacher might say, “She spends all her time daydreaming, not paying attention, fooling around, and wasting time.” When misread this way, a stress problem can get overlooked. If this happens, the child is more likely to be punished than helped.
Also think about this. Have you ever had to be somewhere that was uninteresting, boring, and no fun? What if it were even worse? You have trouble understanding anything being said and do not know what is happening. Are you getting the picture?
What if you are told it is important and good for you? What if you are told you will understand how important it really is in ten or twenty or thirty years? What if you are told you will be in trouble if you don’t pay attention and make the most of the opportunity? What will it take to get you to concentrate and pay attention? Children are in these kinds of situations often and do about as well or as badly as adults do. Before you take any action, think about how reasonable you are being when you expect the child to concentrate and pay attention.
Most children who have trouble concentrating and paying attention because of stress are ignored. Even worse for them, they are treated as if they were misbehaving. What’s more, teachers and parents think they were misbehaving on purpose.
What can you do to help? Look for explanations. If your foster child often has trouble concentrating and paying attention, ADHD needs to be checked out. The problem may only come up at school or when the child has to listen carefully or read. If so, consider a learning problem. You may see the sign mostly when the youngster has no choice about where to be or what to do. If so, think about how hard it is to pretend to be interested or to act like you care when you don’t.
If the problem comes up and you had not noticed it before or if it is getting worse, stress is the cause. Talk with your foster child. “I am concerned about you. It seems like you are having trouble concentrating and paying attention. I noticed this when you were working on your homework, just as an example. It seems like you have a lot on your mind. It’s hard to concentrate when we are thinking about important stuff. It’s a problem for me sometimes too. Can we talk about what is getting to you?”