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19. They cannot do many things others their age can do.
This is a complicated sign. The main question is why the child cannot do things when others the same age can. Ask yourself and the child whether he had a chance to learn. Was his chance as good as other children got? For example, just because he has been to school does not mean his chance was as good as theirs. Most children have parents who help and encourage them. Also, children do not all get equal treatment at school. Children who are clean, well-dressed, friendly, smart, and like school get a better shake than those who do not fit the mold. Foster children seldom fit the mold.
If your foster child cannot do things most children can do, several steps are in order. First, do not jump to conclusions. The explanation is more complicated than you may think.
Anna cannot play games as well as most children. Here are some possible reasons. She does not know how. She does not enjoy playing games. She does not like the other children. She is ill. She does not understand the rules. She has a physical problem that keeps her from doing as well as the other children. She is afraid.
Start to help by seeing if she will play with you. Now watch closely. You will get ideas and clues about what the problem is. Check them out.
Here is the key. Think about what it is she cannot do. Does she have problems understanding? How does she get along with the other children? Does she pay attention? How are her coordination, vision, and hearing? Do you notice something else that may cause her troubles? Make a list of everything you notice. Make a note about any time or situation when a problem on your list is getting in her way.
For example, she was cleaning her room. You noticed she tried to put everything on one shelf. She did not use all the shelves. What could this have to do with trouble playing games?
You noticed she did better when playing with just one other child. Does she have a social problem? You also noticed she lost track of what was happening as she played. Does she have a problem understanding what is happening? You noticed she had trouble taking turns. She wanted to keep all the toys for herself. Does she have problems cooperating?
Now think about her putting all the stuff on one shelf. Why only use one shelf? Maybe it has something to do with organizing things. Maybe she has trouble figuring out how to use space. She may have trouble keeping track of things.
She has trouble organizing things. She does not understand and use space very well. Keeping track of things also is a problem. All these skills are used when playing. It now makes sense she might have problems playing games. It may not be a social problem at all. It may be a complicated learning problem that needs checked out.